No road is long with good company.

all i want is to dissapear.

yes you guessed it, i binged.
100 cals all day untill about 6:00
then i had 2 small chicken wraps :'(
not cool. probs up to 500 for the whole day, not that bad but double what i usually eat.
All i want is to be bones, i want to feel my ribs stick out of my chest, i want to feel my collar bones sticking out.
I dont want to need food anymore, my life would be better off without it.
10% of the population consume 90% of the worlds food.
how utterly disgusting.

well, i am more determined than ever about pro ana.
i am at 200 calories a day and sticking to it.
in about 5 days i have lost 3 kg!
i usually eat really bad and last at these things for like...an hour.
everytime my family has macdonalds for breakfast, i have to smell it, watch them eat it. and yummy chinese and big fat chocolate cake.
But then it makes me realise that all of this is for my own good. i will be skinny and beautiful. just watch me :)
So life is going good. school is okay, interesting but stressful.
im glad its 4 subjects this year.
one year of extremely hard work, food restriction and battling with the parents.
And then im out of here, off to uni, where i will learn about what i love.
i cant wait. i dont want to wish this time away, but im so damn excited.
And i love indonesian, cant wait to go over there at the end of the year. i can speak to the locals :)
i want to travel so bad, but need to find a way to do psychology and travel with it.
Ima research that now.
Goodnight! xx 

 rhy tuna sandwhich (98% fat free), 2 bananas.

This would have to be one of the hardest things i have done in my life.
Denying myself of what is basic human instinct.
I need to do this for me, to prove to myself that i have control, and i am strong and can withstand temptation.
I know others may not understand, but the hurt, and the dizzy spells, and the weakness is all for something.
I am strong, i can survive, i can be beautiful.

So this doesnt frustrate me heaps, because i dont really realise it, as it's just the way that society is nowadays.  But when i read it, i was genuinely surprised and it made me a little bit angry. Nobody owns this land, we all have an equal right to enjoy god's creation, so i dont understand why people get special privelages just because we dont want to offend them. Why is it that everyone generalises 'whites' as the racist people, when really we are all the same.


Someone finally said it.

There are Aboriginals, Torres Strait Islanders, Kiwi Australians, Lebanese Australians, Asian Australians, Arab Australians and boat People from all over the place.

And then there are just Australians. White Australians, ordinary Australians, who love their country. Australians who don't really care about the skin colour of others - until they find themselves on the Wrong end of abuse because they happen to be white Australians.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me 'Australian Dog', 'White boy', 'Cracker', 'Honky', 'Whitey', 'Caveman'.
And that's OK. But when I call you, Blackfella, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-Nigger, Sheep Shagger, Camel Jockey, Gook, we are Racists.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the Aboriginal suburbs such as Redfern and Muslim and Asian suburbs such as Lakemba, Bankstown and Cabramatta the most dangerous places to live?

You have Invasion Day. You Have Yom Hashoah. You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi.

But if we had a 'White Pride' Day, you would call us racists.

You want us to study Aboriginal history and indoctrinate us to believe That we are ruthless invaders. You want us to say sorry for something we did not do. But, because we want to teach history as it happened, we are Racists.

If we had an organisation for only whites to 'advance' OUR lives. We'd be racists.

If we had a university fund that only gave white students scholarships, We'd be racists.

There are many indigenous organisations that are only open to Aboriginals. Are there any organisations that are 'Only open to whites'? Of course not, because if there were, we would be called racists.

Australia has a flag that represents everybody. Aboriginals have a flag that represents only them, but they don't think that's racist. However If white Australians dared to have a flag that only represented white Australians and white athletes who won an Olympic event ran around Draped in such a flag, they would be condemned as racists.

If you are not white, you can march for your race and rights. If we Marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us Racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police Officer shoots a Muslim gang member or beats up a Lebanese drug dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a Racist.

I am proud. But you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be Racists

Sharn & Tara.
Well today was very eventful. us and tamika met at zealy's for some breakfast, exchanged presents, and then caught the bus over to mad valley.
We had a yummy lunch, and then went to do a spot of shopping :P
I bought this wrap thing, that i have no idea how to wear, but i love it!
Then we said bye to mika at which bank? commonweath, so sharn could get my drug moneys... JK!! lol
We got soommee red licorice and sat in the park for some cloud gazing.
We made a friend on the way home, with a hot bod...but cant say the face did it for me.
We are now home, enojoying a red wine, and about to watch some lovey dovey movies!
(Tara) - and sharn is sitting next to me breathing reeeaalllyy heavy in my ear.
(Sharn) - lol, im just ready for a sexy time.
Must go!
Enjoy your valentines day!

Peace out.... Sharn and Tara <3

 its nice when you find someone to help you understand yourself
and when one conversation can put so many things into perspective
yes i think to much, and then think about thinking too much.
but thats me, and i am learning to love who i am.
thanx eriko for an interesting and insightful chat.
and yes i think you did manage to get inside my head.

oh funny thing actually.
i went to change into my netball gear, and then realised that i had been wearing my underwear inside out all day >.<

 peace out! xx

There is so much more than this
An endless cycle of life
That is not defined by a beating heart
Or a capable mind.
If you listen closley you can hear it
The very essence of every being
A spirit that cannot be suppressed
A wisdom that carries on the breeze and constantly whispers.

Listen to the cries of this warrier
Who is fighting an endless battle
Though still manages to flourish
And return stronger and more willing
We can learn so much from her.

Mother Earth cannot be faulted

i am trying to figure out a lot at the moment
so many things running through my mind
its hard to make something of this jumble of thoughts
i will figure out who i am one day
i will be something great.
just watch me.